im a 18 year old girl and i have a weird obsession its a long story but i had sex for the first time with my dad's friend he was 60 year old we only did it once it took him like 30 minutes to cum and he was kinda yelling when hes cumming or in pain idk but he was very loud and red and tired i really loved it and now i always be watching old men porn and idk how to stop and any old man i see in public i always imagine him fucking me idk how to stop and should i feel bad is it that disgusting ?